Salt-N-Pepa Jet March 2008

Every week on The Salt-N-Pepa Show, two MCs from the late Eighties try to prove they don’t hate each other (and the rap game), while our Rock Reality Show Recaps attempt to prove we don’t resent VH1 for exploiting the heroes of our youth (again). Here’s our take on the fifth episode:Thirty Minutes in Two Sentences: Salt and Pepa prep for a red carpet event, and Pep has the traditional “I’m too fat for this awesome dress” My Super Sweet 16-style freak out. While Salt tries to get her to work out and eat right, Pep tries an array of get-skinny-quick schemes to get rid of her “batwings” (the little bit of fat above the dress underneath her armpits), including a consultation for liposuction, until Salt succeeds in convincing her she’s gone too far.
Disowning the Shoop: After the plastic surgeons convince Pep she is far too skinny (muscular was the term they used) to consider liposuction, Pep shows Salt her own version of working out, which involves a massive amount of Dance Dance Revolution and some type of headless vibrating mechanical bull she keeps in her bedroom to ride (Salt: “No wonder you haven’t had a boyfriend in two years”). The two then go to a boot camp-style workout where Pep thinks it’s unhealthy to push herself in cardio and decides the workout track is not for her: “I feel like I just went through war. Those soldiers were on my ass.” Salt also tries to convince Pep that you don’t burn as many calories as you think from Shoop.
Whatta Band: Salt recognizes her own former obsession with weight and former bulimia at the height of the band’s career and tries to steer Pepa away from extremes. Pep doesn’t slow down, but then tries the Cayenne Pepper liquid diet while wearing some sort of metallic sweat suit, thinking she’ll shed fifteen pounds in two days. Instead, a cranky Pep turns to the East for some weight-loss acupuncture (”He was Asian. He knew what he was doing”). Finally, Salt brings around the dress where it all started after the stylist takes it out to some to cure Pep’s batwings. The two hit up New York’s fashion week, where they leave chanting for more booty on the runway.Pushin’ It Forward: While no mention of last week’s studio session popped up, Salt and Pepa are back on the red carpet together. Next week Pep tries to get some respect from her teenage son, and in an attempt to bond with him risks her life and newfound self-image on a snowboard.